My hand turned me down
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
