none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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