sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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