McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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