we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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