I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
