im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
