I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
