for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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