u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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