Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
