The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
