eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
