Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
