He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
