Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
