Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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