She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
