wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
