You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize