You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
