it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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