There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
