I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
