Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
