Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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