Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
