dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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