I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
