Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
