Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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