tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
