I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize