Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
