My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
