You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
