my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
