Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
