Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
