The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
