my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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