she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
