he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
