Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
