Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
