i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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