She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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