just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
