@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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