I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
