you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
