I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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