you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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