I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
