I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
