I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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