so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
