also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize