omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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