Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
