i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
