seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize