party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
