I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
