It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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