Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
