JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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