we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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