they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
