my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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