UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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