she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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