A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
