wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
