Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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