I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
