Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
