Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
