My cat gives me a boner
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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