It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
