He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
