so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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