ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
