I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
