I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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