her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
