did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
