i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
