I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
