I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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