I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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