Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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