I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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