Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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