My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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