smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize