Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
