is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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