She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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