My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
