I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize