Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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