Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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