So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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