I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
